My Story of Endometriosis, Breast cancer , Acceptance and trying to Heal.
NSFW
This page is Not Safe For Work. It contains graphic languange and explicit imagery.
*This page is still a work in progress.
My memory is salty. My thoughts slow and dim. My body may be faulty, connecting to my yin.
I long to know my story, connecting to my past. To put aside the worry, To allow good times to last.
I want a better future, To thrive, To follow my dreams. The present is a gift she said, you're, here to set the scene.
poem by Em Masters
Any questions please feel free to ask in the comments section at the bottom of this page
My Story
It all started with weird tit pain...
Like an electric shock!
The symptoms of my endometriosis started when I was 17. Although I wouldn't understand the pain, until much later in life. Every time I ovulated, I would have pain in my left breast. As the years went by my symptoms got worse. Bleeding became clotted and heavy. Every period I felt this dragging pain in my anus. Pelvic pain that wouldn't leave. Sciatic pain that made my legs numb. A pain across my diaphragm that seemed at the time, completely unrelated.
In 2010 at the age of 22, I was having problems with severe bleeding which lasted for eight weeks. I went to see my GP, who prescribed me something to stop the bleeding. After several more trips to the doctor I was then sent to the hospital to have some polyps removed from my uterus. One of which had exploded, causing the bleeding. At this point my period pain seemed normal, It wasn't. No pain is normal. But it was manageable. I was using cannabis for the pain, as well as using it to help my anxiety. It was also helping me mask my ADHD, without me knowing I had it at the time. I was working as a chef and enjoyed the busy lifestyle of catering work. I had been working in catering from the age of 15, so it was easy and familiar. I didn't really have to think. Without knowing or understanding my ADHD, I was completely burnout from it. University had been a challenge and many of my lecturers didn't think I would make it through. I was glad to actually finish and proud of my result of a 2:2. My parents thought I had been disappointed with my result and in some ways, I think I could have done better had I had the right support.
Breast Anatomy
By the summer of 2014, at the age of 26, I was having problems with painful periods again. I knew something was wrong. Every period was excruciating and they were coming more regularly than normal. In may 2015 I had a loop diathermy of a cyst on my cervix. After this procedure I started getting problems with a Bartholin's cyst.
In January 2016 I had surgery to remove more uterine polyps and drain the Bartholin's cyst. The removal of the polyps was successful, however, the Bartholin's cyst continued to cause issues. I had been homeless, living out of my boyfriends bus. I moved into a shared house for a few months during the recovery of my first surgery for the uterine polyps in the January. I was self destructive, addicted to cocaine and codeine. I was unwilling and unable sort my life out. I didn't have a lot of love for myself at this point. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens. In the past I masked my feelings with drugs and alcohol. I've now learnt this addictive personality is partly down to my ADHD and have started unmasking and allowing myself to love my weirdness. This has helped me to stay away from hard drugs. I will talk more on this later. But back to the vulgar vulva cyst...
The "Vulgar Vulva Cyst"
Uterine Polyps
Sometimes it [the Bartholin's cyst] was excruciating. Mine was located at the entrance of my vagina on the inside of my cervix. I had more surgery to remove the cyst in June 2016, at the age of 28, the surgery went badly. It was a mess. To say I was devastated, would be an understatement. I was finally enjoying my sex life, And it felt like such a kick in the, well... groin!
Afterwards I went to see a local Gynaecologist. I had travelled from where I lived to my Dad's for recovery. I had moved out of the shared house I had been in and was back to living out of a bag. Let's call him Dr “Horse”.
Dr “Horse” told me that the surgeon who had done my surgery, had done it wrong and should have done the surgery internally not externally. That way any holes wouldn't be noticeable. “Your Vagina looks like it's been kicked by a horse” he said. I don't think I had an answer for this. Other than being horrified. I was already distraught about the thought of this poor thing flapping around between my legs. At this point I hadn't had the courage to look at my mutilated labia.
My stitches kept popping.
On a trip to the local GP, Let's call him Dr “Anti-bio”. He told me I had an infection in the wound, while staring at my vagina from about a meter away. I've never had a doctor be so afraid to go near a vagina that they refused to examine me properly. In hindsight I probably should have complained. But at this point, the list of things I should have complained about was fairly long. Dr “Anti-bio” prescribed me two sets of antibiotics which made me feel very ill.
Bartholin's cyst
Really Bad Periods!
Dark days
artwork.
Period pain
Dark days
More to come...
...What I'm Up To Now!
"Little Things" that helped me get through the Rough Times!
TBA
Medical Definitions and FAQ's
Medical Definitions
♥DISCLAIMER
I am a person living with chronic illness after, and before, breast cancer.
I am NOT a medical or mental health professional.
The things I write about are from my own personal experiences and in no way are intended to diagnose or advise you.
If you are experiencing issues familiar with the health issues I discuss here, please seek the help of a qualified medical or mental health practitioner.
FAQ's
Feel free to ask me a question ♥